


i'm lost (but i dont know why)

by saturnnn



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: BAD and SHORT but fUCK IT, Depersonalization, Gen, Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark Friendship, Soft warm piece bc its midnight and im sad, Tony Stark Has Issues, if im gonna try to actually keep writing i just gotta do it so here, projecting your own problems onto fictional characters: the second installment, title from agnes by glass animals, tony and natasha are basically support for each other because i felt like it okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-22 16:10:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15585693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saturnnn/pseuds/saturnnn
Summary: natasha knows how to get tony to feel again, a little bit at a time.





	i'm lost (but i dont know why)

natasha shows up in the lab one day. she slips in through the cracked doors and got inside, just as she slipped through the cracks in his mind and made home there years ago. it was a quiet day. quiet was never good with a genius mind. tony could feel himself start to fall down a foggy abyss matching the one outside. just deeper, with no endpoint. these were the worst days. worse than the days with the horrible sadness or anxiety or emotions. tony couldn't grab hold on the world.   
maybe he could grab onto natasha, for now. 

_come on_ , she says, soft-spoken, and gently pulls him out of his seat. he wasnt sure what he had been working on. if he had been working at all. 

he allows himself to be tugged up and led to the elevator. the doors shut on his lab and tony feels like he's floating. he wants to come down.

he registers getting out on the main floor, natasha putting a knitted sweater in his hands along with a scarf. from bruce, his distant mind supplies. warm autumn colors. tash has on olive green mittens and scarf, the next time he glances over. tony is led outside the back entrance and onto the foggy, cold streets of new york. the streets are bustling with activity like always, but its miles away from his mind. it doesn't want to hear it. tony does. its a quiet day. 

they've been walking through the mist for a while now. tash has a firm grip on his bare hand. 

they walk onto a less busy street. it has smaller sized, lit up stores lining its edges like imitations of twinkling christmas lights on a new york sized tree. tony thinks back to his least team christmas celebration. he misses how he felt then. he felt then, at least. quiet, quiet, quiet.

nat pulls him through a door. the smell of coffee is everywhere, and tony wishes he could take a breath of it in to keep safe in his lungs and never breath out again. tony wishes he could fully smell it. his senses seem dulled, somehow. he hates it hates it hates it-  
tash and he are sat down at one of the small dark wood tables on a small upper level. the walls are mahogany and strings of warm edison bulbs decorate the ceiling. yes, tony can see why tash likes it here. tucked in a red-orange soft sweater and bathed in smells, sounds, light, tony likes it too. tony hasn't liked many things for a while now.   
the days come quiet and slow, now. he wants life to speed up again. he doesn't really know how to make it. maybe the girl in front of him does. the girl who grew up too fast.

 _whats your order_ , she asks, as if she doesn't know. tony's grateful. her voice fulls him a bit closer to reality. out of the abyss. 

he hears himself mumble for a black coffee and muffin and is surprised his voice could break the static, ever present and buzzing in the back of his mind. 

when tasha comes back an uncounted and unregistered time later, tony sips his coffee and likes the burn it makes going down his throat because he can feel that, at least. 

they leave mahogany and warm lights to walk back home through the fog and the sounds of the streets are a little bit louder in tony's ears.

**Author's Note:**

> depersonalization is a bitch, that ive suffered with before (less minor than this though). its not nearly as well known as other mental disorders, but it's still very much a problem. reach out for help, from whoever is willing. (im always willing).  
> im feeling a bit eh tonight. discussed some heavy topics at a friend's, and summer's coming to an end for me. not a very good combination, so i figured some projecting onto fictional characters in a warm fic could help. comments & kudos, pretty please?


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